This SUCKS..
this is the downfall of our life.
broken bridges layed to rest.
i climb another mountain for your approval.
i reach the top screaming for your forgiveness.
i hide in the dark wishing it wasnt you who i fell for. 
puzzle pieces that were once connected, have come unglued.

wishing for your forgiveness seems like a joke.
we play the blame game and i always lose.
i miss you more than you will ever know.
telling you would make me look like a fool.
i have to much pride to tell you, you were my everything, or even miss you.
im your monster as you say, but forgiveness is one step away.
without you im not complete.
miss-communication was the biggest factor in our downfall.
you crushed my soul with the hatred you show me.
you never seemed to care.
maybe i was just another girl you dangled on a sting.
one more wish shall be granted.
so do i wish for your forgiveness? or do i wish to forget you?

A Little Randomness Never Hurt Anyone!
Hey Again!
Since I'm not sure how to start an open blog, and sure if this is the best website to do. I really haven't had any followers, without followers I don't have questions to answer. I am back to fill you in on a little bit more about Human Sexuality and what I have been learning the past few weeks, and just some random things I might have learned since my last post (witch is hard to remember when your trying to remember all at once). Plus Updates, News, Music, Sisters wedding stuff, Spring Break Etc.

Spring Break! It started off going to the Phoenix Saturday where my friends band "Assemble The Skyline" was shooting their very first music video. It was cool to see them again get to experience it with them. I had to leave the second video they were shooting because I was leaving for LA. Got to LA around 430am, got a hotel for a few hours and then Moises, Devin, and I went to DISNEYLAND! That was such an amazing day. I got to hung a lot of random people and talked to random kids and give lots of high fives. Then went to LMU and fell asleep in a CHAIR! haha. Got a tour of LMU and loved the sites not to mention all the hot guys there! Was dropped off in Hollywood and went to my friends recording studio and listened to their music get all worked and finalized. Band practice was funny and COLD! After going back to the studio ended up just going back to my friends house and falling 4am. We Then went to Venice Beach and I again hugged random people and got more crowds to laugh at me, all in a days work! Then we went to Dave And Busters, met up with Moises cousin. Had a great meal, beat the boys in basketball a bunch. Then went to Universal Studios City Walk, Danced! Went to Hollywood BLVD and ate at Hooters. Stayed at my friend Steves house and woke up the next day and drove to Devins cousins house and that house was PHAT! Hung out all day, met his HOT son..who's going to be a firefighter, lol. Moises and I went to the race track and had a blast. Then saw two movies, well half of each. Next day woke up early and RUSHED to the studios where we were supposed to be on some LAME ass show with Wayne Brady..and everyone was cracked out, in random ass costumes. So we decided to leave, and they had a problem with it, so we just walked away. Went on a hunt to find the HOLLYWOOD sign, and failed. Went to the wax museum in Hollywood, went to Santa Monica, had lunch on the promenade then walked around on the Pier and met up with Jameson and had some dip n dots and rode the roller-coaster. We then went back Hollywood BLVD, Devin went with his friend (randomly ran into, guy from LMU) and Moises and I hung out there. We talked to Paramedics about our future there, and a bunch of stuff. Had Dinner At California Pizza kitchen, and had the BEST pizza I had EVER had! We ended up going back to my friend Steves house for the night. Woke up the next day, hung out for a bit. Went and had breakfast at the coolest breakfast place, had the most amazing hot chocolate! Went to Santa Monica, got some tours of some apartments I could possibly move into. Then drove around looking at the HUGEST houses, went by Beverly Hills, Bel Air, And UCLA. Then we were off to the Roxy for my friends in "Assemble The Skyline's" first album release. It was such a cool thing to be there for. There were amazing bands who played. But.. it was time to head home.. and came home Friday night. Went and saw Repo Men Saturday night. Sunday and Monday I just hungout with My Family and Friends. Spring Break 2010, WELL DONE. Best SO Far. Oh, What happens in LA, DEFIANTLY Stays in La (I hope).

Lets See Music I recommend for tonight..
-Assemble The Skyline
-Ride Your Bike
-Never Shout Never
-A Day To Remember
-Cobra Straship
-Lady Gaga
-Michael Buble
-John Mayer
-Josh Groban
-Kris Allan
-The Summer Set
-Vendetta Red
-Postal Service
-The Used
-Bring Me The Horizon

Have Fun!

So my sister is getting married June 6th in North Star, Tahoe!! Its going to be awesome. Her dress is beautiful, and perfect for how beautiful my sister is. I'm so happy for my sister and finding a great guy, epically a man who treats her right. Her wedding shower is coming up in April, and Ive got some surprises, along with her Bachelorette party!! I FINALLY found my 'Maid of Honor' dress, and Its kinda weird, its everything I thought I would have to ADD to a dress, and I found all in one, it was at my favorite designers store, so IM STOKED. Her wedding will be an amazing day. Just now, I have to write out a speech to give. I'm so proud of my sissyyy!!

News On My BIG MOVE.. I will be making the move to Santa Monica, September 1st! I can't wait! New life, job, home, friends, possibly a boy!! A New Adventure is in store, and I cannot waitt to get the HECK out of Sonoma County. Only Thing That I will miss are my Mom, Sister, Animals, and a very FEW friends that I can call "REAL". The rest.. EFF DIS PLACE! September 1st, seems soo far away!
But in my mean time, I am finishing up Paramedic pre-requisites and fire classes. I'm pretty excited about my birthday! It falls on a Sunday this year, so that day we will be wine tasting, and going to horse races. Wednesday we will be leaving for Vegas and will be spending the most amaaazinng time there. EVERYTHING IS BOOKED and PAYED for already. Some hints.. Helicopter ride into the Grand Canyon and lunch in a cave, next to a waterfall!!!! SKYDIVING for my second time!! Cant Spoil it all, but it will be AMAZING! Until then I'm very happy I'm 20, and kinda sad about getting older, but hey, once I'm 21, I get Vegas and Santa Monica will be Exactly one month from my birthday!!!! I LOVE MY LIFE!
Oh, I've recently started painting, drawling, and writing again, finished painting number 2 last night for my Moms birthday. I have to thank a certain someone out there for making me remember what I like to do with my free time to escape!

So, whole reason why I started this blog was for a little knowledge on Human Sexuality and other info people should be aware of, or just some weird/cool facts. Its been 7 weeks since I have posted anything so there shall be a lot of it! Remember, some are statistics, most are proven facts. Ready?.. OK!

Women relate to others by speaking in "matching" their experiences with the other communicators troubles.
Women take up less physical space when they are having a conversation.
Most women have more guy friends. They relate easier to men.
Men are more likely to interrupt other speakers in conversation, always wanting to be the primary speaker.
After conflicts or an argument men tend to withdraw.
Other sex organs may include- Skin, lips, back of knee, armpit, base of neck, anus, and brain. Any area can be arousing, depending on stimulant.
There are three stages to a man ejaculation. Ejaculation is the "cum/sperm" on averages comes out in 1-2 teaspoons.
Love is one of the greatest mysteries of mankind.
Forms of love- Passionate, infatuation, obsessive.
Includes sexual desire, physical attraction, elation, and sense of ecstasy.
Blooms with new love/attachment. Passionate highs and lows.
We tend to idealize our romantic partner.
Passion of intensity fades in time.
Eros, Ludos, Storage, Mania, Pragam, Agape.
Commitment- to love in short term, decision to love someone for long term.
A behavior occurs, and then we interpret it as love (doing laundry, bringing them something they like, doing an act of kindness).
Couples who meet in a crisis, are more likely to feel as strongly about one another.
We are more likely to fall in love with someone whose histo-compatability complex (MHC) is different from our own.
Releases neurotransmitters (dopamine) that creates cravings to be with a particular partner.
The U.S limits research in infants, toddlers, and younger children in sexuality.
Women age 2 years ahead of men in maturity.
Women have more emotion in intimacy- emotion, romance, commitment. As men are more visual, explicit, and want various partners.

There is a little info, it is late, and I have to get up in 5 hours.. So to be continued!

Here is my question for you.
If you like someone, or even love them and you get into a disagreement. Do you think you would want to solve it, or just walk away when there is conflict. Would you look for excuses to leave? Or, are you the type to stick around and work things out? What would you do?

My First Entry
Hey Ladies And Gents!!
So this is my first entry, I'm new at this, so give me some credit! I've decided to have an open/closed blog. I've always been told I give good advice, and not just from a friends point of view, but from reality. I'm also learning about human sexuality and how everything that affected you positively and negatively, since you were an infant, is how you are today. If you know me, you know how much I talk and blabber about the most random things I have seen or learned. So.. why not write it down, and possibly be able to help someone out there who may be struggling to find an answer. Also, to brighten the load, if you do know me, you know how much I am involved in music, from supporting my friends perusing careers in music, from bands I just like.

SO. here we go.
Today I watched a movie "Love happens" it had a great soundtrack.  With music, I don't just listen to the beat, I'm all about the lyrics. Being a lady and being "sensitive" its easier for me to listen to country and pop music and get away with listening to the "lovey dovey" music.
Today I listened to:
Breathe Carolina- Hello fascination.
Nick Jonas- Who I am.
Badly drawn boy- The time of times.
Lil Wayne, Eminem, Drake, Travis Barker- Drop the world & Forever.
Helen Stellar- IO (This time around).
The Eels- The fresh feeling.
Lady Gaga Ft. Beyonce- Telephone.
Priscilla Ahn- Dream

Human Sexuality Statistics and Facts.
Everything we learn about sexuality, we learn it from our culture and society, our family, friends, romantic partners, religion, television, and many other sources.
Rule of marriage : Give a little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly.
Sex is NOT bad! BUT, if you do decided to have sex, always remember the consequences. Diseases, pregnancy, getting your heart broken, etc. We have all heard it before, but if you do decided to have sex, talk about it, get information about it, be safe. You WON'T go to hell because you didn't wait till marriage. Different people believe in different things, but we all have the same desire to fell loved. Always remember, someone will be against you doing it, weather your 14, or 24, its OK to have sex. Yes the right thing to do would to wait till you are married and share that special moment with your spouse. But lets be real, its 2010, times have changed, and sex isn't the worst thing out there. Just remember, there are consequences, but then again, there are rewards to being intimate.
Chasity belts first appeared in the 15th century and were used primarily by women so that their husbands were assured the children they fathered were their own.
In 1948 to 1953 Kinsey revealed, 25% of men lost their virginity by the age of 16, only 6% of females had. 50% of married men reported having sex outside of their marriage, whereas about 25% of married women did. These were statistics from the 20th century, imagine what it is today!
1993, Three out of five married people said their sex lives improved after marriage. More than 1 in 5 women said they had been forced by a man to do something sexual.
Body language helps fill the gaps in verbal communication.
Disagreements are a common part of relationships, and you end up having healthier relationships.
A close father-daughter relationship in childhood has been found to be related to a woman's ability to form strong intimate bonds later in life (2007).

I can't really give any advice if I don't have any questions, comments, or concerns to reply to, so, e-mail me or comment me and leave your thoughts. You can ask openly, or privately, or anonymously.

One Question: In Your Opinion, Can You Tell Me What Love Really Is?
Thanks For Reading. Hope This Helps.
-Jessie Rai!


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